Stake Priesthood Meeting

We all have lists of things we want to accomplish in our lives, but speaking in Stake Priesthood meeting was never on my list.  So, when I was asked to speak on marriage, specifically what I felt the priesthood holders were doing well and what they could improve on, I was stressed!  Every marriage is so different, and everyone has different issues they are facing, how could I possibly address them all. I decided to focus on what the prophets have taught, and my own experiences, trying in all ways to follow the promptings of the spirit. I learned much from the experience, and am just glad that it is over with!

I am by no means a marriage expert, but I thought I would share some of the things I learned in my study, and things I have learned from my own experience.  Pres. Hinckley said, "You will know no greater happiness than that found in your home.  You will have no more serious obligation than that which you face in your home.  The truest mark of your success in life will be the quality of your marriage."  Love that!  It really made me think about my priorities and making sure that I was putting the proper emphasis on my marriage.  Does your spouse know that they are your first priority?  Would you rather be with them, than anything or anyone else?  Will you go to the musical, just because she wants to? Will you go to the football game just because he wants to? (Tony and I get along well here, because we both want to go to the football game!)

Engagement Photo

One of the main things I thought I should stress was the importance of being positive.  If you look for the bad in others you will definitely find it, but if you look for the good you will find that too!  The great thing about looking for the good, is that you are happier too. Pres. Hinckley said, "I am satisfied that if we would look for the virtues in one another and not the vices, there would be much more of happiness in the homes of our people.  There would be far less of divorce, much less of infidelity, much less of anger, and quarreling.  There would be more of forgiveness, more of love, more of peace, more of happiness.  This is as the Lord would have it."  Honestly this is something that I have struggled with.  When Tony and I were first married he was a very zealous returned missionary.  He suggested that we have companionship inventories to help strengthen our relationship.  He explained that it was a time to go over what we were doing well, and what we needed to improve on.  Well, my mind latched onto the improve on part, and I had a list of things that I wanted him to do better!  So as we sat down to do our little inventory, I told him my list.  He was very humble, and agreed to work on the things I had mentioned.  Then it was his turn.  I was expecting the worst, and he said to me, "There isn't a thing I would change."  Man I felt terrible!  Now I know there were things I was doing that drove him crazy, but he chose not to focus on them.  I decided from that time on that I would try to be more positive and look for the good.

The world teaches us that we need to look out for ourselves, that it is all about having time for ourselves, and finding personal fulfillment.  The world's "All About Me!" mentality doesn't work in a successful marriage.  There is no room for selfishness. Tony and I had an argument once about who's life was harder.  He was going to school and working full time, and I was staying home full time with two small children.  It was a ridiculous argument, based completely on our inability to see anyone's needs but our own. If we switch our focus to what can I do to make my spouse happy, instead of what is my spouse doing for me, we will both be happier.  Pres. Howard W. Hunter said, "Being happily and successfully married is generally not so much a matter of marrying the right person as it is being the right person.  The conscious effort to do one's part fully is the greatest element contributing to success."

Mom and  Dad 1954

50th Wedding Anniversary Cruise 2004

I believe that the greatest element contributing to the success of marriage is a commitment to live the gospel and keep the covenants that were made in the temple.  I have watched my own amazing parents (who have been married for 57 years in October)  make a marriage work, even though really they are quite different.  I have watched them learn to enjoy each others interests, and work through many challenges together.  What is this glue that has kept them together?  I firmly believe it is their commitment to keep their covenants, and their absolute unity in living the gospel. I love this quote from Elder David A. Bednar, "The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship.  Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner.  Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily come unto Christ and strive to be perfected in him.  Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together.  The Savior is always the perfect example!  If we can all learn to love as He loved, I am certain our marriages would all be better.  

Mormon Message By Elder Holland  It's great! Watch it.