For over two years now I have known that I had a hernia. I went to the doctor when I first discovered the problem, but against his counsel, I elected to postpone doing anything about it. Several months ago it started to hurt off and on, but I still waited. Finally, with some serious persuasion from my daughter, I decided it was time to do something about it. So last Tuesday I had outpatient surgery to fix the problem. First can I just say that I do not like anesthesia! Hate, loathe, despise and abominate the disconnected weird sensation when you come out of it that persists for hours after. Day of surgery was pretty uneventful, I slept, ate a little and slept some more-pain pills cause serious drowsiness for me. Next day the pain had arrived, but not nearly as intense as I expected. As long as I avoided moving I was good. By the third day I stopped taking those vile pain pills and moved to ibuprofen. So really the pain has been manageable, except for when I have tried to do more than I should. So why has this been a lesson in patience? Because I have realized that I don't have any patience while my body tries to heal.
I had plans to do a lot of reading last week, couldn't stay awake long enough to do more than read my scriptures each day. I was trying to read Les Mis, and fell asleep twice in less than two pages. I finally ended up watching several episodes of a show I have heard a lot about because it didn't matter if I drifted in and out of that. You know those days when you would give anything to just go get in your bed and take a long nap, or even a short one, but there just isn't time. Or when resting with your feet up is a treasure, well forced resting is for the birds! And unfortunately resting in my bed is the only place where I am pain free, even sitting for extended periods is uncomfortable. Today I decided to try to go to the store to get some Valentine's candy. Simple, quick and I have permission from the doctor to do more this week as long as my body can handle it and doesn't involve lifting. When I got back home I was ready for a nap. It is frustrating to be unable to just set a schedule and assume that your body will cooperate.
So enough whining, it is frustrating, but really it is pretty cool that these amazing bodies of ours know how to heal themselves. I am so grateful that the pain was not nearly as bad as the doctor made it sound. I am grateful for my general good health, I know there are many who deal with pain and other issues everyday. Sometimes we need a little time to be forced to rest to remember the blessings that we have, and to have more compassion for the suffering that others experience. I am grateful for so many kind people who have picked up the slack for me, brought us dinner, and called to check if I was ok. My family have been troopers as well. Tony was a great nurse, and all the kids have been pitching in to take care of things. I am not going to lie, I will be grateful to be back to normal (if that is even a possibility for me), but I am thankful to have had some time to ponder and to be still.
Feb 4, 2013
I have been reflecting on why the solo driving makes me nervous when most things don't. At first I was thinking it was because of all the other crazy drivers on the roads, and worrying about the large weapon everyone is moving around in, but I think it is more than that. It feels almost like a rite of passage, or that they are moving to a stage of life where I am no longer so essential to them. Yes I am concerned about their safety, but perhaps somewhere deep down it is a fear of letting them go. It's all a part of life I guess and after another week or so, I probably won't require Jared to text me any more, but for now it helps me through this process.
Jared truly is a great young man. I love that he likes to talk to me, and even though I often am sleep deprived because of it, I am so grateful that he feels comfortable confiding in me. He went on his first date three days after he turned 16. As I quizzed him about appropriate behavior on a date, and how he should treat a girl, he wasn't rolling his eyes. He said keep asking me questions, I don't want to do something stupid. I will just continue to hope and pray that his desire to not do something stupid continues to be his goal when he gets behind the wheel of a car.