Personal Epistles

Photo from Deseret News

I so loved General Conference, the weekend always passes by so quickly, too quickly.  I love time spent with my family learning from prophets.  I love watching my children grow and learn to love conference as well.  Elder Holland gave a talk a while ago about conference.  He said, "If we teach by the Spirit and you listen by the Spirit, some one of us will touch on your circumstance, sending a personal prophetic epistle just to you."  Isn't it amazing how that works?  If we go into conference with our hearts prepared we will hear what we need to hear.  The best part of conference though is that the learning and personal epistles can just keep coming if we will study and listen to the talks.  Just in this past week I have learned lessons from talks that I hadn't thought much about originally.  I have also received confirmation of the truths taught, and been prompted to share parts when I was talking to my children.  What an amazing blessing conference is! 

I loved this quote from Pres. Packer, "I have come to know that faith is a real power, not just an expression of belief. There are few things more powerful than the faithful prayers of a righteous mother."  This quote became even more important to me on Tuesday. My missionary daughter was just sent temporarily to the Jackson, Mississippi mission while she awaits her visa.  I could hear in her voice when she called that she was struggling a little, but using all of her faith to move forward.  I prayed earnestly that the Lord would bless her with the comfort she needed.  As we got her first letters from Mississippi, and then Louisiana (she is currently serving in West Monroe, LA) I was immediately comforted as I read them . She talked about how at home she had felt in the mission home, how she had enjoyed being with the new sisters, and how much she loved the Mission President and his wife.  Then when she got to her area, her companions took her shopping and while they were at Wal-Mart they started talking to a lady, and ended up giving her a Book of Mormon.  The lady said she "thanked God that he placed her in Wal-Mart at the same time" so that she could meet them.  Then she was able to go to a member's house for dinner and get some food that she enjoyed a little more than the MTC.  All these experiences helped my somewhat frightened daughter feel at home in a strange place.  The funny thing is I hadn't really thought about this as being in response to my prayers until Alexis herself pointed it out to me.  We happened to be online when she sent the email from her new area, so I sent her a little note in hopes that she would get it immediately.  I said "It was so fun to get your email today!  Love your attitude.  You are amazing.  You remind me of Elder Holland’s talk-leading out with your faith not with your doubts."  Then just a few seconds later a little response came back that said, "Thanks Mom! You are amazing too! I love you so much! I'm so grateful for your example to me and the comfort and prayers you have given me. As they said in General conference there are few things more powerful than the faithful prayers of a mother. I love you and I hope you have a great week!"  As I read those words I realized that my prayers had been answered in many ways.  

Amazingly enough that wasn't the only experience that blessed my life through words from general conference.  I have drawn strength from, been touched, and learned truths several times this week already.  Sometimes I feel that I don't have the capacity to take in all the Lord would have me learn, but I am trying! 

One more quote from General Conference that I loved from Pres. Uchtdorf, "Spiritual light rarely comes to those who merely sit in darkness waiting for someone to flip a switch. It takes an act of faith to open our eyes to the Light of Christ."  So many great things to learn, so many favorite quotes to go on my quote calendar.  I am so grateful for the spiritual refueling.  I needed it!



 

Easter Sunday

When I was 16 years old, I heard Elder Bruce R. McConkie give this talk.  It was his final testimony before he passed away.  Honestly I had never been a huge fan of his talks growing up, they usually went right over my head.  When he started speaking this time it was different though.  As he bore his testimony of the Savior, I sat riveted to my chair.  I consider that moment somewhat of a life changer for me.  I wanted to have a testimony of my own of the Savior; a strong testimony that would sustain me and enable me to say that I wouldn't know my Savior any better than I already did when I was in His presence.  On this Easter Sunday as I reflect on the Savior and my testimony these many years later, I realize there is much that I still want to and need to learn, but I can say that I know that my Savior lives.  I know He died for me and was resurrected.  A little girl that I tutor was talking to me on Thursday.  Her mother had died some time ago, but Thursday was her birthday.  This girl showed me her birthday card to her mother.  In it she wrote, "Mom, will I ever see you again."  It broke my heart that she even had to wonder.  The glorious message of this Easter season is that HE LIVES, and because of this we will all live again.  How grateful I am for this knowledge-I know that my Redeemer lives! 

Visa Delays

Feelings about visa delays. :)

All day we have been looking forward to getting a phone call from Alexis from the airport before she left for Australia.  A little before 6pm we got what we thought was that call.  Unfortunately she was calling from the MTC.  Her visa did not arrive in time.  She told us in this quick phone call, that most of the missionaries headed to Australia had been temporarily reassigned to missions in Washington and Oregon until their visas come through.  But Alexis and her cousin Annie Tanner and just a few others were still scheduled to leave.  The status of their visas was that they were at the consulate, because of this they thought they would get the needed information today and still be able to leave tonight.  At about 2:30 this afternoon they came into their classroom to give them the news.  They will be staying at the MTC until next Monday, hoping that the visas will come and they can still go to Australia next week.  If not is is possible that she will be temporarily reassigned as well.  We are praying it comes!!  As we were talking to her I was listening with that Mom ear to see how she was handling this.  She sounded fine, happy, peaceful.  She even said that she and her cousin both had the strong impression that they had more they needed to learn at the MTC, and that this was what needed to happen.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed at the amazing faith my daughter has.  It was so fun to talk to her, even if the news was a little disappointing.  She is definitely still the same girl I sent off too-her closing comments were, "I"m going to be here another whole week, so send lots of packages!" 

The Lord is the in the details of our lives though.  I received confirmation of this yet again after Lexie called.  I make a conference quote calendar every six months with quotes from the current conference.  The quote for today, that was chosen long before I knew when or where she would be serving, was this- "The Lord's delays often seem long; some last a lifetime.  But they are always calculated to bless.  They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience." -Pres. Eyring
I am sure that this delay will bless Lexie's life.  It is also a little blessing that her other cousin going to Australia goes into the MTC on Wednesday, so perhaps these three cousins can have a little reunion there before they leave.

Temple Trips

   When Lexie came home after the semester ended, we decided that we would try to go to as many of the temples in Utah as we could before she left for her mission.  She went to the Provo Temple before the semester ended, and we went to the Bountiful Temple a few times in November and December.  Then starting in January we went to the Salt Lake Temple, the Draper Temple, the Manti Temple and the Brigham City Temple.  In February we attended the Mount Timpanogas Temple, the Jordan River Temple and the Logan Temple and the week before she left we went to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple giving her a total of 10 of the 13 temples in Utah.

This was such a great experience for me.  Not only did I get to spend a lot of one on one time with my daughter, especially when driving to Manti, but the sacrifice of time to get to these temples that were more than a few minutes away, made the experience seem even more sacred to me.  Sometimes I feel like I don't appreciate the temple enough because I can be there is just over 10 minutes.  When we had to plan and adjust our schedules to go to these temples, I found myself focusing more on what a blessing it is to go.  Tony joined us at three of the temples, and we made it an extended family excursion to the Brigham City temple with a trip to Maddox afterwards.

It was so fun to see all the different temples.  I love all the beautiful chandeliers! I think my favorite chandelier is found in the Oquirrh Mountain temple though.  The temples are all exquisitely beautiful and so serene, but yet each was unique in one way or another.   Some are full of pioneer history, others are new construction.  It was such a rewarding experience just to see them, but that only scratches the surface of the blessings.  I have felt peace in my life that I haven't felt before, I have learned more about the temple and it's blessings.  Now the goal is to continue the attitude of reverence for the temple throughout the year so I can continue to have these blessings in my life.  And who knows, maybe I will drag Tony to the other temples in Utah this year so that I can go to all of them in one year.

My Stripling Warrior

The last month is pretty much a blur in my mind.  Getting ready to send Alexis off Wednesday, added onto all the normal things we do around here, makes for blurs.  Truly though this has been a wonderful experience, and although I am sad that I won't see her for 18 months, I have felt and still feel an overwhelming sense of peace that she is exactly where she needs to be.

I committed to reading the Book of Mormon in 60 days with Alexis before she entered the MTC (I finished Wednesday morning before she left!), and it was very interesting in this reading how so many of the scriptures applied to missionary work.  I am sure they were there before, but they were much more powerful as I was reading them while helping Lexie prepare to serve.  Ammon and all the sons of Mosiah, Alma and Amulek, all the Nephi's- what amazing missionaries.  What great things we can learn from them and their examples.  One of the stories that was particularly meaningful to me was the stripling warriors.  These young men who were faithful and courageous who obeyed every command with exactness changed the outcome of the war with the Lamanites.  At times when the rest of the Nephite army was ready to give way, the stripling warriors remained strong inspiring the whole army.  As the missionary age has now been lowered, the Lord's army of missionaries if now even younger.  They don't fight with a metal sword, but with the sword of truth. As I read these chapters again, I thought of my own stripling warrior that I was sending out.  I thought of Pres. Monson's announcement and how I felt and continue to feel an excitement and power as the Lord is hastening his work.  Elder Holland said, "There is an enthusiasm, and excitement, a zeal right right now that is unlike anything I know of in recent years."  I feel it too,  the excitement has permeated our home and hearts. As I think of all the great youth that have responded to this call necessitating the creation of 58 new missions, I feel abundantly blessed to have a daughter out at this time.  I pray that, and have confidence that even though she is young,  her mind is firm and she will put her trust in God continually (Alma 57:27).

The three "Australians" on Sunday

Sister Benjamin and her grandparents on Tuesday night

 The last few days with Alexis were wonderful and emotionally draining, I feel a bone deep exhaustion.  Her farewell was Sunday, we had an I love Lexie Family Home Evening and did most of her packing (not fun), Tuesday we did family pictures and she and her cousin were set apart, then Wednesday we took her to the MTC.  We are missing her already, but would never want her to be anywhere else. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that helps us do hard things, and even some how helps us to be happy while we are doing them.  I am also grateful that He allows us to love so deeply that we do miss our loved ones while we are temporarily separated.  In the mean time I can't wait to get that first letter to find out how she is handling the MTC ( yes, I miss the instant gratification of texting!) and surviving the food that she says she won't be eating (she said, Mom I have helped fix that food-there is no way I am eating it).  I know she is in good hands, the BEST actually.

Lessons in Patience

For over two years now I have known that I had a hernia.  I went to the doctor when I first discovered the problem, but against his counsel, I elected to postpone doing anything about it.  Several months ago it started to hurt off and on, but I still waited.  Finally, with some serious persuasion from my daughter, I decided it was time to do something about it.  So last Tuesday I had outpatient surgery to fix the problem.  First can I just say that I do not like anesthesia!  Hate, loathe, despise and abominate the disconnected weird sensation when you come out of it that persists for hours after.  Day of surgery was pretty uneventful, I slept, ate a little and slept some more-pain pills cause serious drowsiness for me.  Next day the pain had arrived, but not nearly as intense as I expected.  As long as I avoided moving I was good.  By the third day I stopped taking those vile pain pills and moved to ibuprofen.  So really the pain has been manageable, except for when I have tried to do more than I should.  So why has this been a lesson in patience?  Because I have realized that I don't have any patience while my body tries to heal.

I had plans to do a lot of reading last week, couldn't stay awake long enough to do more than read my scriptures each day.  I was trying to read Les Mis, and fell asleep twice in less than two pages.  I finally ended up watching several episodes of a show I have heard a lot about because it didn't matter if I drifted in and out of that.  You know those days when you would give anything to just go get in your bed and take a long nap, or even a short one, but there just isn't time.  Or when resting with your feet up is a treasure, well forced resting is for the birds!  And unfortunately resting in my bed is the only place where I am pain free, even sitting for extended periods is uncomfortable.  Today I decided to try to go to the store to get some Valentine's candy. Simple, quick and I have permission from the doctor to do more this week as long as my body can handle it and doesn't involve lifting.  When I got back home I was ready for a nap.  It is frustrating to be unable to just set a schedule and assume that your body will cooperate.

So enough whining, it is frustrating, but really it is pretty cool that these amazing bodies of ours know how to heal themselves.  I am so grateful that the pain was not nearly as bad as the doctor made it sound.  I am grateful for my general good health, I know there are many who deal with pain and other issues everyday.  Sometimes we need a little time to be forced to rest to remember the blessings that we have, and to have more compassion for the suffering that others experience.  I am grateful for so many kind people who have picked up the slack for me, brought us dinner, and called to check if I was ok.  My family have been troopers as well.  Tony was a great nurse, and all the kids have been pitching in to take care of things.  I am not going to lie, I will be grateful to be back to normal (if that is even a possibility for me), but I am thankful to have had some time to ponder and to be still.

Drivers Beware?

So my son turned 16 in January, and on Thursday, his father pulled him out of school to go get his driver's license since he has play practice until after the place closes. Then of course the very next day he wanted to drive himself to the school for practice.  Now in every day life I am not a worrier.  I don't stress about my kids and what they are doing constantly.  But letting them drive is a totally different ball game for me, and the funny thing is I love that they can drive themselves and relieve me of some of my taxi duties.  Alexis was telling Jared that for the first little while he would have to text me to let me know that he had arrived at his desired destination safely.  Jared was thinking that since he was the third to get his license that I would be more laid back about it now.  So they came upstairs to talk to me as I was kind of confined to my room for most of last week (another story for another day maybe).  Jared wanted to drive to the school, first solo driving experience, and was asking permission to do so.  I consulted with Tony for his opinion, which was that our son was the most cautious teenage boy driver that he had ever seen, and that he was fine with him driving our good car to the school. (Old falling apart teenage driving car was still in Logan with Ashley)  So I relented, and let him drive to the school, making him promise to text me as soon as he got there.  Lexie laughed and said, I told you Jared.  (Just in case you were wondering he arrived without incident).

I have been reflecting on why the solo driving makes me nervous when most things don't.  At first I was thinking it was because of all the other crazy drivers on the roads, and worrying about the large weapon everyone is moving around in, but I think it is more than that.  It feels almost like a rite of passage, or that they are moving to a stage of life where I am no longer so essential to them.  Yes I am concerned about their safety, but perhaps somewhere deep down it is a fear of letting them go.  It's all a part of life I guess and after another week or so, I probably won't require Jared to text me any more, but for now it helps me through this process.

Jared truly is a great young man.  I love that he likes to talk to me, and even though I often am sleep deprived because of it, I am so grateful that he feels comfortable confiding in me.  He went on his first date three days after he turned 16.  As I quizzed him about appropriate behavior on a date, and how he should treat a girl, he wasn't rolling his eyes.  He said keep asking me questions, I don't want to do something stupid.  I will just continue to hope and pray that his desire to not do something stupid continues to be his goal when he gets behind the wheel of a car.