22 years ago...

CAUTION THE FOLLOWING POST MIGHT BE ENTIRELY TOO SAPPY FOR SOME:

Gotta love that huge 80's hair.

 22 years ago today a 20 year old girl and a 21 year old boy decided it would be a good idea to get married.  They had no clue how hard marriage and being parents was going to be, but got engaged because they believed it was the right thing to do.  Saying yes that evening of November 10, 1989 is a decision that I have never once regretted.

The story:
It was the beginning of my junior year in college at BYU.  Based on experiences that I had had the previous year I had realized that I could not compromise my standards of living the gospel, so in order to do that I would have to marry a guy who was spiritual and not necessarily fun.  I had learned that I could live without fun, but I could not live without someone who shared my convictions and commitment to the gospel.  Based on my experiences I didn't think the two things could coexist in one member of the opposite sex.  I had even told my Bishop what I had come to realize.  He just smiled a knowing smile, and said you never know.  So anyway,  I met Tony almost unknowingly right before school started because we were looking for an apartment with a TV so we could find out some news that we had heard about.  His apartment had a TV.  I was introduced to him, but was too distressed by the news to really pay much attention.  The first fast Sunday I bore my testimony in church, and Tony says he was very impressed and his roommate told him he should ask me out.  So that weekend we had a opening social dance, and Tony asked me to dance twice.  He was so easy to talk to, I felt completely at ease, which is unusual for me.  (He also danced very close.)  After the dance I hoped that he would ask me out, but I didn't figure it would happen. The next day at church he sang in Sacrament meeting, and he had a voice that would melt any girl's heart.  That day he asked me out for the following weekend.  We went out on Friday night, I had a great time.  Sunday was stake conference.  He happened to sit down the row from me and gave me this note.

I of course said I would go with him.  When he came over Sunday evening it was pouring, not a little Utah drizzle, a true Brazilian style downpour.  We decided to go anyway.  We walked and talked and got soaked.  He held my hand finally at the end of the walk.  We went out a couple of times that week and then that weekend we went up to Bridal Veil Falls and just talked.  We both agreed that we wanted to see where this relationship was headed.  That evening he kissed me for the first time.  I was so smitten.  The rest is really history.  We spent as much time as possible together and started discussing the possibility of marriage. We knew it was right to get married, so I told him he should probably ask me and make it official. (yes I wanted the ring) He already had plans in the works and told me to be patient (not my forte). On November 10th we had a mock wedding date planned for my apartment and our dates.  We all picked up our dates, and they all had to pretend to propose to each of us.  Tony of course went last.  When he started he said "If I were going to ask Annette to marry me I would have some nice music playing (my roommate started some music playing), and I wouldn't just give her one rose, I would give her 26 roses (his friend's mom was a florist), and then I would read her a poem that I wrote."  He then read me the poem.  I of course was crying at this point, obviously this wasn't fake, and I of course said yes. 

 

This is the song he played that night by Dan Hill

This is the only picture of my ring.  We picked it out the next day.

I felt like and still feel like I have always known Tony.  I know that sounds like a seen from Saturday's Warrior, but I had never before and have never since met someone who I was instantly comfortable with and felt like I could share anything with. I am grateful everyday for the opportunity to have him in my life.  He is so much fun, we are constantly laughing, but more importantly he is someone I have always been able to look up to, and someone who always makes me want to be a better person.  Yes he is a dork (sorry it was just getting to sappy), but there isn't a better dork around.  Love you Tony!

Stake Priesthood Meeting

We all have lists of things we want to accomplish in our lives, but speaking in Stake Priesthood meeting was never on my list.  So, when I was asked to speak on marriage, specifically what I felt the priesthood holders were doing well and what they could improve on, I was stressed!  Every marriage is so different, and everyone has different issues they are facing, how could I possibly address them all. I decided to focus on what the prophets have taught, and my own experiences, trying in all ways to follow the promptings of the spirit. I learned much from the experience, and am just glad that it is over with!

I am by no means a marriage expert, but I thought I would share some of the things I learned in my study, and things I have learned from my own experience.  Pres. Hinckley said, "You will know no greater happiness than that found in your home.  You will have no more serious obligation than that which you face in your home.  The truest mark of your success in life will be the quality of your marriage."  Love that!  It really made me think about my priorities and making sure that I was putting the proper emphasis on my marriage.  Does your spouse know that they are your first priority?  Would you rather be with them, than anything or anyone else?  Will you go to the musical, just because she wants to? Will you go to the football game just because he wants to? (Tony and I get along well here, because we both want to go to the football game!)

Engagement Photo

One of the main things I thought I should stress was the importance of being positive.  If you look for the bad in others you will definitely find it, but if you look for the good you will find that too!  The great thing about looking for the good, is that you are happier too. Pres. Hinckley said, "I am satisfied that if we would look for the virtues in one another and not the vices, there would be much more of happiness in the homes of our people.  There would be far less of divorce, much less of infidelity, much less of anger, and quarreling.  There would be more of forgiveness, more of love, more of peace, more of happiness.  This is as the Lord would have it."  Honestly this is something that I have struggled with.  When Tony and I were first married he was a very zealous returned missionary.  He suggested that we have companionship inventories to help strengthen our relationship.  He explained that it was a time to go over what we were doing well, and what we needed to improve on.  Well, my mind latched onto the improve on part, and I had a list of things that I wanted him to do better!  So as we sat down to do our little inventory, I told him my list.  He was very humble, and agreed to work on the things I had mentioned.  Then it was his turn.  I was expecting the worst, and he said to me, "There isn't a thing I would change."  Man I felt terrible!  Now I know there were things I was doing that drove him crazy, but he chose not to focus on them.  I decided from that time on that I would try to be more positive and look for the good.

The world teaches us that we need to look out for ourselves, that it is all about having time for ourselves, and finding personal fulfillment.  The world's "All About Me!" mentality doesn't work in a successful marriage.  There is no room for selfishness. Tony and I had an argument once about who's life was harder.  He was going to school and working full time, and I was staying home full time with two small children.  It was a ridiculous argument, based completely on our inability to see anyone's needs but our own. If we switch our focus to what can I do to make my spouse happy, instead of what is my spouse doing for me, we will both be happier.  Pres. Howard W. Hunter said, "Being happily and successfully married is generally not so much a matter of marrying the right person as it is being the right person.  The conscious effort to do one's part fully is the greatest element contributing to success."

Mom and  Dad 1954

50th Wedding Anniversary Cruise 2004

I believe that the greatest element contributing to the success of marriage is a commitment to live the gospel and keep the covenants that were made in the temple.  I have watched my own amazing parents (who have been married for 57 years in October)  make a marriage work, even though really they are quite different.  I have watched them learn to enjoy each others interests, and work through many challenges together.  What is this glue that has kept them together?  I firmly believe it is their commitment to keep their covenants, and their absolute unity in living the gospel. I love this quote from Elder David A. Bednar, "The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship.  Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner.  Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily come unto Christ and strive to be perfected in him.  Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together.  The Savior is always the perfect example!  If we can all learn to love as He loved, I am certain our marriages would all be better.  

Mormon Message By Elder Holland  It's great! Watch it.